Saturday, February 2, 2013

"Shoppray," David Oates

(David Oates)

Dear Lord, as I enter this mall, guide my footsteps, my eye and my hand, to the best things for me. Let me find that which will save labor, Lord, and that which will make me more attractive and stylish. Though the heathen say, "Hip today, gone tomorrow," I shall not listen to their scoffing, but, with your guidance, will find the latest thing in its most flattering incarnation. 

Lead me not into the dining area, for they have hidden the water fountains so that we sheep flock for moisture, then slay our wallets and diets with their greasy, awkward food. Let me find those things, Lord, which are most meet for our family, neither more things nor less than we ought. Please guide me past those things which will cost a lot and serve only, in the final judgment, to reduce the room in our closets.

Bless my coupons, Lord; make them powerful -- let them match my needs, fit the specials. Lead me to the double- and triple-coupon days. For sweatshirts and Sears, candy bars and kitchen machines, Amen.

David Oates works, writes, and shops in Athens, Georgia. He will be this month's featured reader this coming Wednesday at The Globe for February's Word of Mouth gathering of poets, beer-drinkers, and intellectual reprobates.

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